Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Terrorist Lawyers, Sadism & Sarcasm

Terrorist lawyer – I’m sure someone could think up some really creative jokes for this one. Me, I’m a bit queasy and nauseas. The ranks of the bottom-dwelling scum-suckers have been taken to an all time low with the advent of the terrorist lawyer. Jurisprudence is forever doomed.

Okay, on a more seriously sardonic note, consider the “Hamas lawmaker” Salah Bardawil. I don’t think he’s “representing” the group just for the experience. Although, who knows, he could be doing some kind of pro bono internship for the terrorist group nestled “peacefully” in the Gaza Strip between Israel and Egypt .

Shoot, Salah might be able to get his picture taken with a former U.S. President, or maybe even an endorsement or letter of recommendation from him. You never know, someday a former President might actually meet face-to-face with the bona fide U.S. Department of State-“approved” terrorist group. Hard to fathom, I know, but mark my words, it could happen.

But isn’t there some sort of policy against negotiating with terrorists, you ask? Ah, forget that. It’s more like a moral guideline anyway. Besides terrorists are human, so they’d be willing to compromise. Terrorists wouldn’t just attack innocent people out of spite, would they? And while we’re at it, the homeless prefer to be called “transients,” and terrorists prefer to be called “freedom fighters.” Calling them terrorists makes them seem evil. That wouldn’t be nice, now would it?

Besides, Hamas isn’t really a terrorist group, is it? In relation, I’m sure the group of Palestinians seen cheering on the television news networks when the World Trade Center buildings collapsed was just staged anyway. It couldn’t have happened. No way. You can’t believe everything you see on TV, right? Just like those guys who landed on the moon. Whatever – it’s not like that was real.

For that matter, we all "know" that it was the U.S. government who planted bombs under the World Trade Center causing it to collapse. Just do a Google search on that topic and you’ll have hundreds if not thousands who “know” that’s what really happened. (Click here or here, for example.) Even university professors have said so! The people who teach our young, impressionable youth wouldn’t teach anything far-fetched or ultra-liberal, would they? …Sure, the planes might have crashed into the towers, but those 19 Middle Eastern guys just happened on the planes by coincidence. They weren’t high-jacking, murdering, suicidal terrorists. There isn’t such a thing, I’m sure.

Also, it was a U.S. missile that hit the Pentagon. Come on people. I’ve seen the video. It’s just a blur; it’s not a plane. All the evidence suggests it’s so. It’s a giant U.S. government conspiracy and cover-up, don’t you know? (Okay, now I’m really getting sick acting out this fake persona. What makes me sick is that there are actually people who believe that!)

So, considering the great opportunity for a legal internship, I think it would be quite beneficial for the terrorist bastion to open its doors to any and all law students, including from America . Heck, let’s just open up an al Qaeda-wide jurisprudence internship, or a full job announcement for that matter. Imagine what your CV could read like: “Traveled to foreign countries and met with senior members of the FBI’s Most Wanted List; made global radicalization policies negatively affecting all nations; killed Jews and Infidels.”

In the spirit of anti-ethics, here’s the pseudo-announcement:



Go deep undercover.
Relinquish all moral and civil values.
Break multiple time-honored laws and regulations.
Be considered a traitor according to the U.S. Constitution, which is punishable by DEATH.

Note: Be sure to ask about our “One-Way Ticket to Paradise ” hiring special. Details available at your nearest suicide training camp.

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